Someone else's story

I woke up in the middle of the night with a song in my head from a little known musical called Chess. The song is called "someone else's story", and when I heard it for the first time I really liked it... last night over dinner G and I were talking about some things, and I was saying that I think one of my deepest struggles is contentment. I struggle to not look ahead, I spend a lot of time daydreaming, (which I never realized until recently) Essentially, since my jr. year in high school I have been keenly aware of longing. And yet, it feels as if it has become more un-sanctified as the year pass. When I was sixteen I wrote poems about heaven and how I longed for the completion of Heaven on earth. And, what I was explaining to G last night is that it feels misplaced now. I have such a clear path for this earth that I want to be on, and I want that more than anything. So this song from that musical, I guess it really resonated with me because it is a song of discontent and longing...not exactly something that I am proud of though. I want to believe that God has me doing things for a reason, that he has a gentle leading hand, that he wants my good more than I do etc., but most of the time, I just want what I want the way that I want it. Idols are strange and masked things, and usually they have been your idols for years before you realize it. I have been nursing the idol of "Lord you have given me ability and desire for this one thing, now make it happen, give me the right kind of success in the area." I am impatient, as soon as I get to one step, I am ready for the next....At the end of our conversation G said "it's amazing how far gratitude will go to fight anxiety and depression." Later on, I realized that comment was meant for me. Being thankful for what the Lord has done up to this point, remembering, is so important. It does give me hope and make me really excited when i meditate on the fact that this isn't it. Even if I never get to do what I want on this earth, it isn't the end. A fulfillment much greater awaits. I read Jeremiah 10 this morning...you should read if you get the chance. Also, here is a link to Sutton Foster singing "Someone Elses Story."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySoL8O6qBjM

P.S. Don't freak out at the words of the song. It's the overall sentiment of regret and desire and confusion that gets me...in no way do I feel this way about G.